Friday, February 10, 2012

08 : You'll Never Know

Ever had a time where you felt like a total loser & you felt like you just don't belong anywhere? Well, I'm experiencing it now. I don't like the feeling of it. I used to think I was a happy child, well I am but to what extent? I sometimes feel very insecure of what's in front of me. I don't know whether I'm paranoid but I try to believe that I'm paranoid. I always have this mindset that people don't like me. It's time to change that mindset. Okay, it's true that you can't get everyone to like you & you can't force a person to like you either. Obviously, in life you'll encounter or meet people that do not "click" with you. So, it's okay. In my opinion, if the person doesn't hurt you, then you don't have to do anything.

Of course, there are also people that you have not much topic to talk about. All you do is, hi & bye. Then it's okay too! It doesn't mean that you have 1000 friends means you are friendly. Ask yourself this question, if you have these 1000 friends, how many of them are true? How many of them will be there for you? Stand up for you, help you, care for you, tell you that you are not okay even if you said you are? It could be just the 5% out of your 1000 friends or maybe only 1. In this society today, it is easy to say that I know that person or this person because of SOCIAL NETWORK. You can just meet one day person A through a mutual friend, then that person adds you on facebook or twitter or the other way round. So, all you ever do is write on each other's wall or mention the person. You never exactly have a proper conversation & then you go and say that person is my best friend. Seriously? I don't think so. That's one thing you'll never know.

It's hard to see a person's expression when you chat with them through media. So it's hard to know what kind of person he or she really is. This is something I learned and everyone should too. It impacted me so much which I shall not continue on what I'm about to say. Another thing you'll never know is what's happening in your body. So my experience today was at Sunway Medical Centre (SMC). I attempted to donate my blood to the blood bank at the SMC with my friends. All these while, I've always wanted to donate my blood to save lives! Imagine that bag of blood of yours could save someone's life. & that someone probably in future could contribute to the society and make this world a better place. You're the saviour! So, that's why I've always wanted to help. Contribute a little. You might be saving the next president of United States or the next Malaysia Prime Minister. :)

Okay, so back to my story, we went to the blood donation section at LG floor and met Dr. Gan who was in-charged with all these blood donation stuff. Before donating, he wanted to check if my haemoglobin concentration was enough to donate. He took a sample of my blood and dropped them into a blue solution and the blood drop was supposed to sink. Turns out... it float! Eventually it will sink but it was supposed to sink IMMEDIATELY! Mine did not. Honestly, I almost cried when the doctor told me I could not donate my blood this time. He adviced me to take more food with rich IRON. So people, remember! Take sufficient of food with iron so that you can too donate your blood and don't encounter such experience like mine. It was seriously heart breaking. I had tears under my eyes already. But I managed to control them from rolling down my cheeks. But it was sad. 

It was something like this. The solution is copper sulphate.
If the drop of blood sinks to the bottom in an acceptable amount of time, the donor qualifies. If the drop of blood floats or takes too long to sink the donor is deferred.

These are vegetables rich in iron if you are a vegetarian. There are also a list of it :)
Spinach, Broccoli, Oats, Hazelnuts, Raisins, Dates, Apricot, Prunes, Asparagus, Parsley, Watercress, Brusselssprouts, Collard greens, Mustard greens, Lentils, Chick peas, Soybeans, Red kidney beans, Artichokes, Blackstrap molasses, Millet Sprouts, Kale Cabbage, Sunflower seeds, Almond, Tofu, Soy yogurt, Alfalfa, Figs,

These are also examples of food which are rich in Iron :)

P.S. : Photos are randomly found on google. Credits photographers for the shot. :)

Monday, February 6, 2012

07 : Expect the Unexpected

Okay, so CNY is over. I'll have to focus more on my studies. I know I can do it. Instead of talking about CNY or my studies, I want to talk about expectation. Expectation can be in anything, expectation in life, expectation towards a person or even expectation from yourself. Most of us, today in this society don't exactly expect the unexpected. Some of you may expect it but not for me. When I don't expect the unexpected, that's when I break down and crash. It's difficult to hold yourself together when something unexpected happened. That's cause you were not prepared to face them and when they did happened, you just don't know what to do. There were a lot of things that happened in my life which was really out of expectation. But, from there I learnt how to handle things and react from the situation. That's where you grow and figure things out quick and fast.

I don't want to be the old me that breaks down and cry when something unexpected that makes me sad happened. I want to be strong, stand up and solve them. I used to be the formal rather than the latter. That's cause I let my emotions get in the way more than my rationallity. The story behind this post is this person I know. A friend. A good friend. A crush. He was one of the guys I know that had this unique characteristics that attracted me towards him. Maybe when I continue this story you would think that I was being childish or whatever but hey, personal's opinion. You can have a total different opinion compared to mine but for me, this is what & how I feel.

So as I continue, he was very nice to me. He came all the way to my college to bring me out for lunch, we had nicknames for each other, he wanted to share his happiness with me by telling me why he was happy on a particular day. There was a period where it felt very real to me. It was so real to me that I thought we had a chance to work it out together. Until boxing day 2011, I found out he had someone else. Within seconds, tears rolled down my cheeks. I know I didn't sign up for this. That was the first thing that popped up in my mind. It was devastating and I dreaded to do anything. I just wanted to cuddle in my bed and cry all night long. When I woke up the next day, I can't stop thinking bout what happened because I know the news I found out was totally out of my expectation. Never a moment had I thought he would have feeling for another girl. All these while when we text, chat, meet up, I didn't know in his mind, there was someone else & that someone else is not me. I got myself together pretty quick that time. In 1 week time, I tried to put my mind off what happened & I sort of succeeded but I know deep down in my heart, there was still a feeling which I tried to push it down and not let it resurface.

Everything went well until I had an opportunity to talk to a mutual friend of me and him. This mutual friend of ours sort of know what was going on. I asked all my unanswered questions. All the answers were negative to me. Totally negative. He brought me here and there and made me happy - He treats all the girls like that. He never mentioned a single thing about me and only said I was a chatterbox. & when I asked if me and him ever had a chance before the girl existed, - he has a very playful characteristic. Another thing is, he lied about his ex-girlfriend. But then the mutual friend of ours said, it's not his fault to lie because maybe he doesn't want me to know or whatever. Mum thought, he was not at fault that he did not play with my feelings when he found out that I liked him. At least there, I should give him a little credit. But I learnt that I should be ready when something unexpected happened.

Even the weather is out of our expectation. What more when it comes to life?

06 : CNY 2012

It's time to wrap up my CNY 2012. It's the dragon year this year & it was wonderful for me! :) It was fun for me cause I spent it with my family most of the time. I spent it with friends too! I was able to meet most of my relatives during the CNY and was able to have some bonding session with my friends too. I enjoyed my CNY till the very last day which is the Chap Goh Meh. It was also known as the "Chinese Valentine's Day"
There's so much for me to describe everything so, the pictures will do the narration.

1st : Pre-CNY dinner with mummy & daddy
2nd : Vivien & I at Wen Sam's open house
3rd : Sis & cousins at 6th day of CNY
4th : MeiJi, me & sis during Pre-CNY dinner
5th : At sir's house
6th : Cousin Joanne & me
7th : Lydia, Gordon & me at Yee Ling's
8th : Daddy & me
9th : Mummy & me during 2nd day of CNY
10th : Christie came to pai nian on 1st day of CNY
11th : Sis, me & mummy during 3rd day of CNY

Friday, February 3, 2012

05 : Judgements.

I could possibly felt my heart shattered into pieces & with my bare hands, I had to pick up the broken pieces till I bleed. Seriously, no one could ever understand my position now. After all the time wasted, all the bonding, everything went to waste just like that. Just like how water was pouring out and leaking out from a full pail. I felt something like this was when what I judge about you, was totally wrong. It was a total opposite. It was devastating to find out that you're a total opposite of what you potray yourself in front of me. Or was it that my judgements were wrong when you actually potray your true self in front of me? Okay, maybe I was blinded. But all is well now. Everything seems to be crystal clear and I learn from mistakes and learn how to make better judgements in future. I admit, it was tough at first to hear it with my own ears but that it sort of seem like a wake up call to me that I shouldn't be dragging myself into this anymore and I shouldn't be jumping into an estranged, deep hole that could have uncountable challenges that might be unneccessary for me to even face it. It could have been a waste of time to meet these challenges when I could have opportunity to meet better challenges that can make me a better person.

Okay, if you are reading this, you're probably blur about what was I babbling about on top of it. But to cut the story short I'll make a representation of the story. Boy meets girl. Boy & girl get to know about each other. Boy tells girl something. Girl trust boy. Boy treat girl very kind, nice & sweet. Girl touched. Experienced friend of boy and girl tells girl that boy is playful & treats everyone the same. Girl felt that her judgement about the boy was wrong and was devastated. Girl, sad. Get it? No? I don't either. But, who bothers. :P
In life, sometimes, you only have 1 path to go on with. There's no detour. Try to make the right judgement about what is in front of you and what challenges that you might face and prepare for it! Even if you made the wrong judgement, don't look back. Move on and you stand up with your own feet at the same place where you fall.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

04 : Imperfections

Wow. I haven't been blogging since 23 nov 2011! It was only 3 posts anyways so who bothers. I did not really thought about blogging through an iPad. I mean, who does that? Okay, me. So it's already February, love month. January was a rather good & eventful month for me. Well at least I enjoyed it. What happened? There was the start of the 3rd sem in A-levels, I'll be sitting for my A2 May this year. There was CNY :) best celebration of the year yet. Then there was me losing my purse, good job, Mei Hwa, good job. & then there was the release of my AS results. I did relatively okay for AS. Better than expected so I'm contented. Just trying hard and working harder than before to achieve a good result. It wasn't straight As but it's okay, I have the chance to make it to straight A's? I hope so cause when there's a will, there's a way.

I'm on the verge of fulfilling my New Year's resolution i.e see things in a different perspective & positively. Well, obviously, that was difficult to achieve. Well it's just the 2nd month so I'm hoping to improve! See things in a different perspective is quite possible but positively? What if the incident has given me negative energies? Do I shut up and just look at it positively? This is usually difficult when it comes to people. Events, incidents are easy to change my view. But when it comes to people and their attitude which some I can't stand, I don't see how I can judge or view that person positively. I don't want to state specifically who or what happen as I'm saying this in general.

It's still CNY now though. Chap Goh Meh is just around the corner then CNY is coming to an end, no more red packets. Then we await for the next year :)so yeah, there are imperfections in my life but nothing & no one is perfect! As long I'm happy, I think it's good enough.