07 : Expect the Unexpected

Okay, so CNY is over. I'll have to focus more on my studies. I know I can do it. Instead of talking about CNY or my studies, I want to talk about expectation. Expectation can be in anything, expectation in life, expectation towards a person or even expectation from yourself. Most of us, today in this society don't exactly expect the unexpected. Some of you may expect it but not for me. When I don't expect the unexpected, that's when I break down and crash. It's difficult to hold yourself together when something unexpected happened. That's cause you were not prepared to face them and when they did happened, you just don't know what to do. There were a lot of things that happened in my life which was really out of expectation. But, from there I learnt how to handle things and react from the situation. That's where you grow and figure things out quick and fast.

I don't want to be the old me that breaks down and cry when something unexpected that makes me sad happened. I want to be strong, stand up and solve them. I used to be the formal rather than the latter. That's cause I let my emotions get in the way more than my rationallity. The story behind this post is this person I know. A friend. A good friend. A crush. He was one of the guys I know that had this unique characteristics that attracted me towards him. Maybe when I continue this story you would think that I was being childish or whatever but hey, personal's opinion. You can have a total different opinion compared to mine but for me, this is what & how I feel.

So as I continue, he was very nice to me. He came all the way to my college to bring me out for lunch, we had nicknames for each other, he wanted to share his happiness with me by telling me why he was happy on a particular day. There was a period where it felt very real to me. It was so real to me that I thought we had a chance to work it out together. Until boxing day 2011, I found out he had someone else. Within seconds, tears rolled down my cheeks. I know I didn't sign up for this. That was the first thing that popped up in my mind. It was devastating and I dreaded to do anything. I just wanted to cuddle in my bed and cry all night long. When I woke up the next day, I can't stop thinking bout what happened because I know the news I found out was totally out of my expectation. Never a moment had I thought he would have feeling for another girl. All these while when we text, chat, meet up, I didn't know in his mind, there was someone else & that someone else is not me. I got myself together pretty quick that time. In 1 week time, I tried to put my mind off what happened & I sort of succeeded but I know deep down in my heart, there was still a feeling which I tried to push it down and not let it resurface.

Everything went well until I had an opportunity to talk to a mutual friend of me and him. This mutual friend of ours sort of know what was going on. I asked all my unanswered questions. All the answers were negative to me. Totally negative. He brought me here and there and made me happy - He treats all the girls like that. He never mentioned a single thing about me and only said I was a chatterbox. & when I asked if me and him ever had a chance before the girl existed, - he has a very playful characteristic. Another thing is, he lied about his ex-girlfriend. But then the mutual friend of ours said, it's not his fault to lie because maybe he doesn't want me to know or whatever. Mum thought, he was not at fault that he did not play with my feelings when he found out that I liked him. At least there, I should give him a little credit. But I learnt that I should be ready when something unexpected happened.

Even the weather is out of our expectation. What more when it comes to life?